Making Mommy Time

If there is one thing that is absolutely critical to maintaining your sanity as a working mother, it is finding some time for yourself. By “yourself,” I mean not with your partner, not with the baby, and not doing chores. You probably think that’s impossible. Especially when you think about the daily challenges of managing home, baby, and work—there is so much to do! Believe me when I say you can and should schedule it in. As a mom, you need to meet the needs of your child first, which can wear you out. Carving out some time for yourself will not only keep you sane, it will help you refuel your tank spiritually and emotionally. “It’s really important to make time for yourself after the baby arrives,” says Dr. Teri Sullivan, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist who specializes in women’s issues, and who has treated thousands of women—many of them working mothers. “You absolutely have to meet your own needs or you’re not going to have any energy left to take care of the baby—or focus on work.” If you are still pregnant, and have not yet delivered your first baby, then you may not yet realize the shortage of free time you are about to experience—especially in the first twelve months after the baby is born. Dr. Teri says that one of the biggest challenges she sees among new moms is that they do not give enough thought in advance to how much their daily life will change once the baby arrives. “Most women do not correctly anticipate what reality is going to be like after the birth of the baby,” she says. “They just don’t think about how difficult it’s going to be or what it’s like to not get sleep night after night after night.” One of the best ways I found to combat my fatigue and “baby blues” was to budget some time alone for myself every week, doing something I enjoyed. Even as my baby has now reached two years old, I still value my “Mommy Play Date” each week. I come back refreshed, rejuvenated, and ready to tackle my work and household duties. Here’s how you can do it, too.

How Much Time Should You Spend?

The short answer to this question is: as much as you can get and still feel comfortable that your baby is being cared for. Ideally, you’d like to get at least two hours of alone time each week. At different phases in my baby’s life, I’ve had as little as ninety minutes and as much as a whole day. Of course, in reality, it will depend on your individual circumstances. You may be able to get only one hour a week, or you may only be able to do it every other week. Give some thought to this. What would work best for you and your schedule? The key thing is making it regular—finding a block of time, then sticking to it, week after week. Blocking it out on your calendar may help you designate a regular time. That way, during a tough week, you always have something fun and relaxing to look forward to. There are many different times that might work for you. You can try:

• Lunch hour

• Weekends    

• Evenings (especially after baby goes to bed)

• Afternoons (such as before picking up the baby from day care)

• Mornings (before baby wakes up)

Lindsey says she wakes up early—at 4:50 a.m.!—to have some time for herself to exercise, her favorite activity. “For me, the exercise helps balance my mind, body, and spirit. I’ve been exercising my whole adult life. It’s healthy, and it’s a good release for me.” Of course, if you can get more than two hours, then by all means, do it. When my baby was still an infant, I worked out a deal with my husband, Ryan, to split Saturdays, so that we could each have a half-day off. It was heavenly. If I had the morning shift off, I would often sleep in, take a (very long, very hot) shower, pick up a book, and go to Starbuck’s, where I would linger for hours over my mocha Frappuccino and my book. On other days, I might walk our city trails, bargain-shop for a new outfit, visit a local garden, or even nap and paint my nails.

By 1:00 p.m., I was back at the house, and ready to “tag out” my husband, who then took his turn with some time off—usually to go golfing or work in the yard. I was refreshed, recharged, and ready to go. Those five hours each week saved my life in that first year. So be creative. Even if you think there’s no possible way to fit it in, look in your schedule for little nooks and crannies of time here and there—and for people willing to help. You just never know where you will find two hours in your schedule for “Mommy Time.”

Paula Peters is a working mother, business owner, speaker and trainer. She is the author of The Ultimate Marketing Toolkit and The Quick-and-Easy Web Site, as well as more than fifty articles, essays, and short stories. She has received two awards for her work. To learn more, visit www.paulapeters.com or www.peterswriting.com. Purchase Working Mom’s Survival Guide (2009) at http://www.adamsmediastore.com/product/1270/16 2009.