You left work late, got stuck in traffic, and now you’re freaking out, afraid of losing precious bonding time with your toddler. Because that’s what working moms are supposed to do, right? (1) Walk in the door, (2) drop bag, (3) get down on the floor and (4) play with the babe. Only your little guy is so busy trying to balance his stacking cups that he barely notices you. Instead, he goes right on doing his own thing. (Sob.) Relax, and instead of feeling guilty, be glad.

This autonomy is a good thing. While it’s absolutely important that moms and their tots have regular playtime together, there are also great benefits in little kids going solo. “When toddlers play by themselves, they learn to modulate their activity, creating their own incentive to complete a task or game,” says Marsha Gerdes, PhD, an early childhood development specialist at the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia. “This, in turn, builds self-satisfaction.” It also gives them the opportunity to tackle challenges and solve problems. By focusing on performing a task by themselves and not immediately turning to a parent or caregiver for help, they’re learning to be independent. Translation: Alone play is not only okay, it’s also worth encouraging.

From the time he’s around 8 months, you can prop your baby in his high chair and give him toys to play with while you’re preparing dinner or cleaning up, suggests Dr. Gerdes. When he knows you’re nearby and notices you involved in your own task, he’s likely to mirror you and set to his own “work at hand.” Encourage him by saying and gesturing, “Mommy is going to wash the dishes, and you can play with your blocks.” As he becomes more mobile, you can let him play near you in a childproof space and say, “Make music on your toy piano while Mommy folds the laundry.” Initially, independent play should be for short periods of time, so start with two or three minutes. Then graduate to five minutes and so on. Avoid sneaking off when you leave your child alone to play, says Dr. Gerdes. You want him to feel relaxed and trust being on his own. Will your toddler become a loner from regular solo play? Not likely, says Dr. Gerdes.

Often, children who learn to play independently early on are also able to mesh well with a new group of children on the playground or at school. So feel free to encourage alone play a bit at a time. And if you’re craving mommy-and- me time, go on and jump in. You get to play, too.

Starting Solo

When promoting your child’s solo playtime, says Dr. Marsha Gerdes, keep these ideas in mind:

Tune in To his Temperament. Children who are naturally outgoing might adjust well to alone play, while those slower to warm up may need an activity or two with you before being left alone.

Offer good choices. The playthings for his solo time shouldn’t be too challenging but should help develop his imagination and creativity. Think blocks and coloring books.

Give lots of praise, even for playing nicely by himself. All toddlers like kudos for what they’re doing—especially if they’re doing it well.