“Why can’t you come on class trips like other moms?” “Why do you pick me up so late?” “Why do you have to work so much?” We’ve all been on the receiving end of these zingers. But when you’re a single working mother and your child’s father is not around, those kinds of questions can make your heart race and your gut ache—not to mention fuel the guilt single moms often feel about raising a child alone. And should your child whop you with “Why don’t I have a dad?!” you can add insomnia to the mix. What single moms need to realize is that your kids aren’t finding fault with you or your family, according to Leah Klungness, PhD, psychologist and cofounder of Singlemommyhood.com. Mostly they’re just processing differences they see in other families. In school, they’re often asked to talk about their life and background—think family-tree assignment. Or your child may have watched a pal kick around a soccer ball with his father. Or if he’s had a tough day, he might just unload on you. It’s best to acknowledge that families are different and say that’s a good thing, suggests Dr. Klungness. This opens the conversation about the benefits of various family setups. Embrace the differences. Ask your child what he likes best about your family and tell him what you like to do together: “I love it when you read to me while I’m making dinner.” If the dad question comes up, ask what he’d enjoy doing with a father. You’ll find out what he feels he’s missing, which may be as simple as learning how to do that cool trick with the soccer ball. Then figure out a resolution together: “We can ask your Uncle David to teach you” or “Hey, let’s get my toolbox so we can fix your bike.” And play up the positive—the fun things the two of you do together or the wonderful aunts, uncles and friends who love him and want more time with him. Which brings up an often overlooked perk: “Most single parents are great at building a network of people involved in their children’s lives—their extended family or friends, neighbors, babysitters and more,” Bella DePaulo, PhD, author of Singled Out, reminds us. “In this shared environment, your child can grow to be more open and able to connect with all kinds of people—which will build his self-esteem.” So when those breath-stopping questions come from your kid, inhale—and celebrate what makes your family special.

Ready to Talk Your answer about dad: Respond in an age-appropriate way. For example, “Families are different. Some families have a mom and a dad, some have just a dad, and some have two moms. Our family has a mom and kids.”

Your child’s answer: He needs to practice a simple sound bite for friends like “My mom isn’t married” or “My dad died.”

Your advocacy at school: Talk to the PTA, principal and teachers about ways to embrace varied families. Instead of the typical family-tree assignment, for instance, suggest a “family orchard” to include extended family and other important people.