You say it every time another school year ends: She’s growing up so fast. But lately, thanks to MySpace, Gossip Girl and Project Runway, your daughter has definitely graduated to tween status. She’s probably already expanded her circle of friends to include—gasp!—boys. Can the inevitable boy-girl parties be far behind?

Get ready, Mom: “These parties normally start in middle school, and they’re a big deal because they’re a precursor to dating,” says Lynne Kenney, PsyD, a pediatric psychologist and the creator of The Family Coach (lynnekenney.com). So focus on helping your child gain the skills she’ll need to make good decisions in mixed-gender situations.

Learning to evaluate what she likes about certain people and why she wants to be around them, as well as what she might not like and what makes her uncomfortable, will enable her to choose positive influences on her own.

Before you let your child attend a coed party, figure out if she’s developmentally ready, advises Dr. Kenney, and make sure she wants to hang out with boys for the right reasons. Tweens may be attracted to one another, but it should be an age-appropriate attraction. Having similar interests, liking the same activities and sharing the same values are all good criteria for choosing friends of either sex. But if your daughter is “boy crazy”—if her self-esteem depends on male attention, if she isn’t confident enough to assess an inappropriate situation—you need to have more in-depth talks about relationships, sex and values before she spends time at mixed-gender parties.

In addition, these gatherings should have chaperones through middle school, possibly even into high school, depending on the kids’ maturity. “Children who hang out longer, come home later, have access to cars and maintain less contact with parents tend to be the ones who get into more trouble,” says Dr. Kenney. So be sure there’s supervision and that your child has a way to contact you if necessary. Be certain she understands that if she’s uncomfortable, she can come home and discuss any situation with you—no judgment attached.

With these strategies in place, this can be a fun and exciting phase for your tween. So try to relax, and remember that you got through the same chapter once upon a time.

Talk About Sex
To be sure your child knows the facts and stays safe, says Dr. Lynne Kenney: Be realistic. Kids know more than you think at younger ages. Open a dialogue early on so your child feels free going to you—not her friends or the Internet—with questions. Monitor Media. Computers should be in common areas so you can check on your child’s clicks and chats. Use a TV show with sexual content to discuss what she sees and how she feels. Test the waters. Ask open-ended questions and see what she volunteers so you can judge what she needs to know.