You’re determined to do everything that’s best for your baby—and breastfeeding is a “best” that researchers and experts have been touting for years. It’s the right nutrition, it’ll make your baby smarter, etc., etc., shout media headlines. So if you can’t give your baby breast milk, it’s likely to exacerbate that inevitable working-mother guilt. You know what? There are good reasons why some new moms choose not to breastfeed: health problems, low milk production, intense discomfort, frustration, adoption, a job that simply doesn’t allow time to nurse or pump. While pressure to breastfeed from the medical community and society looms large, moms who have difficulty or who choose bottle-feeding have to cut themselves some slack. There are lots of other ways to be an excellent parent and bond with your baby, suggests Lori Feldman-Winter, MD, an associate professor of pediatrics at Cooper University Hospital in Camden, NJ, and an executive committee member of the American Academy of Pediatrics section on breastfeeding. First, though, it’s important for a mom who wants to breastfeed but can’t to acknowledge the loss. “Many mothers feel let down when they can’t do what everyone says is optimal for their baby,” says Dr. Feldman-Winter. “They need to mourn this loss.” So let yourself be sad, mad or whatever you need to feel. Then enhance your relationship with your baby by being together as much as you can, cuddling skin to skin and responding swiftly to her needs. As you hold and connect with her, you’ll learn her cues for being hungry, needing a diaper change and wanting affection. And there’s no such thing as too much holding—even Dr. Spock said you can’t spoil a baby. “Baby mega stores sell tons of products designed to keep a baby’s attention,” notes Dr. Feldman-Winter, “but what your child really wants is to be with her parent.” When you meet your baby’s needs and support her emotionally, mentally and physically, you’ll develop a strong, undeniable bond. “For moms who choose not to breastfeed, there are many ways to optimize their child’s growth and development, such as engaging in healthy activities and offering other forms of healthy nutrition,” says Dr. Feldman-Winter. Good parenting is a lot more than breastfeeding. When you hold, love and nurture your child, you create an environment that helps her grow up happy, strong and smart.