As a child you sent letters to the North Pole and did your best to be nice and not naughty. But now you’re wondering if the tradition of Santa Claus is right for your family. Will the introduction of this fabled figure create wonderful memories for your baby? Or will she be crushed later on when she learns the truth—and distrust you for telling a lie?

Scale back the worry and do what you think is right, says Elizabeth Hletko, PhD, a Chicago-based clinical child psychologist. The key is making the holidays fun for your baby and you. “Children feed off our moods, and a stressed mom can mean a stressed child,” says Dr. Hletko. So go with your instincts and ease up on yourself. If you feel your child would be deprived of a ritual without the chance to believe in Santa, bring the jolly guy to life. If misleading her about Santa (or other mythic characters) feels wrong, skip it and celebrate in other ways. 

But if you’re wrestling with telling your baby “a lie,” relax. “Fantasy and fact are blurry for little ones,” explains Dr. Hletko. “So many stories seem true to them.” Think of Santa as a fantasy come to life rather than a fib. Then go ahead and read books about him, tell stories and relate your own childhood memories of staying awake to catch Santa and Rudolph. If you think your child is ready, take her to meet him at the mall. When she gets older and starts to question those ho-ho-hos, let her in on the secret: that Santa may not exist exactly as she believed, but celebrating his spirit is a family tradition. 

If you’re a stickler for the truth or your faith doesn’t include the Santa custom, you can bypass it for other holiday traditions. Dr. Hletko recommends that all parents try to make the holidays about spending time together and helping others. Donate your time at homes for the ill or elderly or distribute food to needy families, with your toddler in tow. This puts the focus of the winter holiday season on caring rather than commercialism. If your child sees a Santa and asks about him, you can say he’s a character, like in a storybook, that’s part of how some people enjoy the holidays. 

The important thing for your little one is to establish traditions that will create loving, lasting memories. With this in mind, however you chose to celebrate can’t be wrong. And Santa won’t mind either way.

Photo Op

To make posing with Santa easy and fun for your toddler, says Dr. Elizabeth Hletko:

Show Her a Picture. Introduce her to Old St. Nick through books, pictures or cartoons before they actually meet.

Do a Trial Run. Take your child to the photo spot prior to having her picture taken so she can get a feel for what Santa looks like in person.

Minimize the Wait. Find out from Santa’s assistants when the line is the shortest, and make sure your child is well rested before going.