When other moms at the office moaned about the never-ending potty-training process, you couldn’t help but boast about your child’s swift mastery. Whoops. His preschool is calling for the third time this week: a “little accident”—again—and he’s used up his last change of clothes. The teacher wants to talk about putting your son back in diapers. Humbled, you wonder what went wrong. Embarrassing as it feels, “potty training regression is a very common thing just about all parents experience,” says

Peter L. Stavinoha, PhD, a coauthor of Stress-Free Potty Training: A Commonsense Guide to Finding the Right Approach for Your Child. Children’s mastery of any new skill is fragile at the start, so it’s easy for them to fall back. Many things can trigger potty regression: a move to a new house, distractions at school, even a new baby. “Suddenly Mom or Dad isn’t paying as much attention to the preschooler, but, boy, they’re paying so much attention to changing the baby’s diaper,” Dr. Stavinoha says. The child realizes it wasn’t long ago that he wore diapers and backslides to regain the spotlight.

Whatever the reason, this setback is not a badge of shame. Punishing a child, using guilt or pushing too hard will likely cause him to regress even further because he’ll have negative feelings associated with the process. Instead, refocus on the techniques that were initially successful. Remind him to try using the potty on a regular basis. If you ask whether he needs to go or not, he’ll likely say he doesn’t. Instead, say, “I need you to practice using the potty,” and if he goes, he goes. Be generous with positive attention when he’s successful. This is still a big deal to him, so keep up the praise, hugs and tickles that helped him train in the first place.

If you used pull-up diapers, don’t go back to them; for some kids they become a crutch. If he asks for one, just say, “We got rid of those when you learned to use the potty.” If he has an accident, be supportive and explain that everyone has accidents, then express confidence that he’ll go in the potty next time. Have him help clean up as much as he’s able, so he’ll realize that the mishap is an inconvenience. Also be vigilant about whether he’s experiencing pain when using the potty. A physical problem like a urinary tract infection, constipation or diarrhea can make a child resistant. If you suspect a medical issue, visit your pediatrician. Throughout the process, try to stay calm. His school has seen lots of kids go through this, and he’ll eventually get back on track. And you’ll soon see that potty training pales in comparison to homework battles and teen angst. Oh, to be back in diapers!