"I hate school. The other kids are mean to me.” Every mom dreads these words. But when your family has come here from another country—perhaps for your work or your husband’s—it may be your school-age child who struggles the most to adapt. So worries about her acceptance at school have even greater heft.

Grade school, a time when kids are navigating how to fit in with their peers, can be difficult for even the most self-assured child. But for an immigrant child who may dress differently, struggle with an accent or even a different language and practice certain customs, there’s a likelihood of loneliness, stress and depression, as well as academic troubles.  In fact, many immigrant kids or children of immigrant parents are ostracized by their peers, and in some cases their teachers, says Arlene Noriega, PhD, a clinical psychologist who specializes in immigrant children, youth and families at Stonewall Psychological Associates in Atlanta: “At an age where acceptance and fitting in is everything, these kids are not being accepted or fitting in.” Instead, they can feel odd, displaced, even lost.

That’s why immigrant parents need to be acutely attuned to their children’s feelings. Kids manifest sadness and stress in different ways: not wanting to go to school, changes in behavior, crying about negligible things, irritability and withdrawal. “If you see these signs, your child needs emotional support from you,” says Dr. Noriega. Even if she doesn’t bring it up (often a child won’t talk about peer problems), gently let her know you understand that she feels left out but that it takes time to adjust. Check in each evening about her day at school and let her express frustrations, Dr. Noriega suggests. Help her pinpoint activities she enjoys such as art, sports or yoga, then find ways she can participate in these during or after school. This will help her feel better about herself as she meets kids with similar interests.

If your child is suffering from the hopelessness, loneliness or frequent sadness that many immigrant kids experience, you may need to reach out to other adults. Speak to your child’s teachers and counselors; if it would make you more comfortable, consider bringing a translator to school. Share that things were very different in your former country but that your child wants to feel good in school and do her best. When teachers are aware, they’re more apt to take the extra step in helping immigrant kids feel less alone, more welcome. Adds Dr. Noriega, “It’s about doing everything we can to make them feel at home.”

Making Connections

We all can help our kids learn to accept differences and be welcoming.

SUPPORT FRIENDSHIPS. Encourage your child to invite new classmates to your home, or take them to the park to play, suggests Dr. Arlene Noreiga.

GET THEM INVOLVED. Afterschool programs are a great way for all kids to participate in activities they enjoy—and seek out others who share their passions.

SHARE YOUR CULTURE. We all have interesting backgrounds, so help your child share her family origins with her class. Celebrate a holiday; bring food; read folk tales.