3:44 a.m. “Waaa-aarrrr! Waaa-aarrrr!” There he goes again…and again. You’ve been up with the baby more times than your foggy brain can recall. Now you’re fried—and there’s that big meeting at 9:00 a.m. Hasn’t your son read the chapter of the baby book that says infants will sleep through the night by 9 months? Like the rest of us, babies dance—and doze—to their own drummer. Which means that some may sleep eight hours straight at 4 months and some won’t stay down for the night even in toddlerhood. But research now shows that most babies and toddlers will sleep uninterrupted for longer periods with a remarkably simple three-step pre-sleep routine: a bath, a massage and some quiet bonding time.

See also: Time Change Sleeping Tips

“A bedtime routine can make a world of difference for both mother and child,” says Jodi A. Mindell, PhD, associate director of sleep studies at the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia and principal investigator of the study, done with Saint Joseph’s University. Each day of the program, moms of babies with sleep issues gave their tots a bath lasting at least five minutes, a gentle massage or application of lotion for at least three minutes, then quiet time—reading, singing, cuddling—with lights out no later than 30 minutes after the bath’s completion. At the end of a three-week period, the moms reported that their babies went to sleep more quickly and woke up less often during the night. 

It’s not conclusive whether the positive results are due simply to having a routine or to the specific steps in this particular one, but Dr. Mindell suggests that consistent routines for children in general tend to decrease arousal levels, resulting in better sleep. “When babies are calmer, parents are calmer, which in turn eases the mind of the child,” she explains. Set routines lead to more predictable environments, and predictability can soothe and benefit your baby both night and day. A morning meal and nap routine, for example, can set up structure and stability for your baby. 

“Research shows that, overall, families with routines have children with fewer behavior problems,” Dr. Mindell adds. Baths may contribute to sleepiness because they can lower core body temperature and improve sleep, but a daily bath may not always be calming to a baby or realistic for a working mom’s lifestyle. Not a problem, says Dr. Mindell: “It’s the structure of the routine that’s key; the pieces don’t have to be the same every night.” Likewise, pick quiettime activities that work for both of you. Whether it’s reading Goodnight Moon or simply and softly talking about your day, it should be time with your child when you ignore the rest of the world. Doesn’t that sound soothing. Don’t be surprised if you sleep better, too. 

Bedtime Solutions

Renowned sleep expert Dr. Jodi A. Mindell suggests these snooze inducers.

Go one way only. When getting your child ready for bed, always go in one direction. If you go upstairs to bathe, stay upstairs. Going up and down or from room to room can overstimulate and stress your child.

Let him sleep alone—if possible. Children with their own rooms are better sleepers because they learn to nod off independently, with fewer interruptions from Mom and Dad.

Set the mood. A baby’s room should be cool, dark, quiet and comfortable. And the atmosphere should be consistent. If there’s a fan on when your child falls asleep, leave it on. If the hall light was on, it should stay on through the night.