Can you think back to a time when you were a kid and you were taunted or harassed for something that made you a little different? Didn’t have pin straight hair like the other girls in the 4th grade? Admitted that you liked Milli Vanilli even though no one else did? Wore a full set of braces from age 13 to age 17? Kids have always been teased or bullied for a number of real and perceived differences, making it difficult for parents to foster their children’s self-esteem and confidence. But with kids' notions of what is beautiful or special being influenced more than ever by outside sources, it is even more vital to teach your children the importance of discovering what makes them beautiful and special in their own way. 

Explore your child’s interests and talents. Helping your child to find his spark—what he is passionate about—will teach him to accept himself and see that what sets him apart can actually make him great. Think Debbie Phelps and her merman of a son, Michael. Diagnosed with ADHD when he was nine, Michael was put into swimming practices by his mother, who needed an outlet for her hyperactive son. (Read our piece: How Michael Phelps Beat ADHD.) Fast forward 14 years later to the Beijing Olympics, Debbie and Michael turned what could be seen as a negative situation for a child into 14 career gold medals. So whether your child is a soccer star, an artist in the making, an amateur archaeologist, or a bookworm, encourage her to pursue those interests. Chances are, in her pursuit, she’ll find others that share her interests which will boost her confidence even more.

Praise the effort, not just the outcome. The A-plus paper and the winning goal at the soccer match are certainly grounds for applause, but even if Jimmy didn’t make the team or Sally wasn’t chosen for the school play, commending their effort shows them that even if they aren’t perfect, they’re definitely worthy of applause. After all, they did lots more than the kid who didn’t even audition—they tried. This is also true of the children who did make the team or got that A-plus paper. According to a study from Columbia University, children who are praised solely for their intelligence, as opposed to their effort, are less likely to do well in their studies and such praise may even stunt their intelligence. Bottom line: Celebrate their hard work and they’ll be more encouraged to keep trying.

Be your child’s fan club. “When our children feel we believe in them, they grow to believe in themselves,” says Michelle Borba, Ed.D. in her book, Parents Do Make A Difference: How To Raise Kids With Solid Character, Strong Minds, And Caring Hearts. “We continually send messages to our kids—through our words, our looks, and even our body language—that help form their self-beliefs.” Telling your children that you believe in them, that you think they’re responsible, that you love them just as they are—braces and all—will teach them to believe in and love themselves the same way you do.