A friend of mine had been with her partner for ten years, they had a baby together, and now she’s found herself suddenly single. She told me that entering the dating world sounds like an exciting adventure, but she isn’t quite ready to go all the way just yet. All the way in both senses. 

And then there are logistics. If we thought it was bad when we were in college and our roommate was home, imagine the complications when your 9-year-old is in the other room.

Of course, your sex life has nothing to do with your kids, but sneaking off to hotel rooms while you left them with a babysitter just seems way too naughty, not to mention selfish. But at least think about it…that’s a good thing! Single moms can and should have a healthy sex life. Actually, not having a sex life whether with a partner or yourself isn’t healthy. Doing the deed (with another or solo) gets your endorphins up, makes those aches and pains go away, it’s good for your heart, reduces stress, and helps you sleep better. Orgasms will not only make you hot, but healthy, too. Your skin will glow, adult acne will go away, and it’s been said that having at least two releases a week will help you live longer! So why do so many working single moms feel they aren’t entitled to a little nooky here and there?

Deirdre Carey, author of Hope, Faith And Charlie, is a divorced mom of two sons under eleven. “The best kept secret about sex and the single mom is what I call the ‘Dirty Little Secret Weekends’ when the kids are visiting with their dad…and it’s all about me for a change!”

It’s about time for some “me” time. Yet working moms can’t seem to put that on the calendar. Call it guilt, but you can also chalk it up to the fact that there’s often no time to do grocery shopping let alone meet a man you want to sleep with. But with everything else, we have to make time.

“I have one day a week where I go out with my girl friends,” one divorced mom of two kids under five (who chooses to remain anonymous) shares. “The kids are with their dad on Fridays and Saturdays, so those are my ‘single’ days. I’m not saying it wasn’t hard and in the beginning I had guilt and was calling to check on the kids instead of enjoying my night out, but I realized I needed to make time for me,” she says. “It’s made me a better mommy…because mommy was happier.”

Her kids are young, but when the kids are in their teens, things can certainly get tricky. There’s a movie that was on Lifetime called "Sex And The Single Mom" where the single mother gets preachy to her teen daughter about having sex, snoops through her stuff, and violates her privacy all to the outrage of the daughter. But it turns out that it’s mom who is being careless and gets pregnant by her married lover—and she tries to hide it from her daughter. Oh the tangled webs we weave!

Yes, it’s a Lifetime movie, but a single mom’s sex life isn’t safe from these types of issues. Pregnancy, disease, and heartbreak should be a huge concern for ladies re-entering the dating pool. So practice what you preach (or will be preaching when your child is of that age) and practice safely.

Sex after divorce, especially if you’ve been married a long time, can be very intimidating. Also, very gratifying. Remember that there are many upsides and nothing beats taking control of your life (sexual or not) again.

“Sex with a new partner after a recent divorce is phenomenal…you’re with someone new so it’s totally fresh, hot, and exciting after being with the same person for years!” Carey also shares.

Tina, a mom of three teen daughters, didn’t think she could ever move on. “I loved my ex-husband,” she says, “and I was so scared to date again, but I did it and realized that our sex life wasn’t all that great. Maybe it’s me just seeing the positive, but I’m happily single and very satisfied in the bedroom with my boyfriend. It’s also really fun to have a boyfriend again…it’s almost like I found a fountain of youth!”

Having more orgasms sure beats Botox injections!

Read more of Deirdre Carey’s inspiring story here.