Standing by helplessly while your little one struggles with back-to-school jitters may seem even scarier than your teen starting to drive, but thankfully this new book can help ease some worry (you’re on your own at the DMV). In Overcoming School Anxiety: How To Help Your Child Deal With Separation, Tests, Homework, Bullies, Math Phobia, And Other Worries, Diane Peters Mayer speaks parent-to-parent about how best to approach calming nerves—yours and your child’s. Here are some standout tips to the kids feel they better about back-to-school:

Lower your child’s stress by lowering yours.
When your little one crosses the street five seconds after you said not to, do you scream and freak out? Tsk. Tsk. Children tend to mimic their environment. If you react strongly to small mishaps or are constantly tense and rushing around, your kid will adopt the same attitude. Deep breath in. Deep breath out. A great tip for school morning calmness: Pack lunches the night before and give your child enough time to have breakfast before getting on the bus. A calmer start to their day could lead to a calmer school experience.

Walk them through it, step by step.
Do you remember your first day of school? Eek! There are horror stories out there and it doesn’t matter if it’s kindergarten or 12th grade. Kids are kids, which means, sometimes they are mean to other kids. A big part of those back-to-school jitters is that your child doesn’t know what to expect. Will they still have the same BFFs? Is their crush still dating their arch nemesis? Reassure them that they are not alone (share your stories) and be sure to listen to all of their school-related woes with open ears.

Encourage them to face their phobias, not avoid them.
Lunchtime anxiety may appear irrational to you, but to your child it could be their biggest cause of stress. Haven’t you seen Mean Girls? Teach them to tackle things head on and don’t encourage avoidance by taking them out to lunch everyday. Try to get them to open up about what they are really worried about. Talking it through helps, but you must have an open and supportive ear.

Praise accomplishments, accept mistakes.
Sure “don’t cry over spilt milk” is an old expression, but think about its meaning. Poop happens, right? And we can’t expect our little ones to be perfect…even if we think they are. Allow your children to make their own mistakes so they learn the consequences. And give kudos to a job well done and try not to fix the little odds and ends that could make a project that much better. It is their work, not yours.

Read more of Diane Peters Mayer’s tips in her book on sale now.