Some think they run from feedback, while others believe they don’t know how to network. Here, the most common (and most powerful) misperceptions you need to know about—and how to deal with them so they don’t hold you back.

Janet Crenshaw Smith has heard it all. As president of Ivy Planning Group, a Rockville, MD–based consulting firm that specializes in diversity and strategy, she’s listened to white male execs talk candidly about women. Some readily admit that they’re more comfortable working with men than with women, while others admit race and ethnicity can play a role in deciding who gets plum assignments. Granted, not every boss engages in such narrow workplace thinking; however, human resource experts say misperceptions still hold sway in many decisions involving promotions—mainly because so many white men lack meaningful interactions with women of color. White male execs and multicultural female staffers are perhaps the two groups “farthest from each other because they don’t have race or gender in common,” says Audra Bohannon, vice president of diversity and inclusion consulting for Novations Group, a Boston-based global professional services firm. “That creates a fissure, and we have to move beyond it in order to build substantive relationships.” Doing so is critical for women of color who want to advance, she says. That’s why we went behind closed doors to find out what white male bosses are saying and what strategies are helping women of color succeed.

“Women of color aren’t open to feedback.”
That’s right: White men in the C-suite think multicultural women don’t want feedback. In truth, diversity experts say, it’s often the other way around. Some executives are leery about offering criticism to women of color because they’re not sure how to approach them, says Lily Tang, a consultant with the FutureWork Institute, an organizational management and diversity consultancy that works with major global organizations. Perhaps worried about being labeled as racist, some white male bosses stick to generic, watered-down comments like “You should smile more” or “You’re doing fine. Just keep doing what you’re doing,” she says.

When faced with vague comments like these, it’s critical for women of color to “manage up,” says Bohannon: Ask for direct, honest feedback and press your manager to be specific on your strengths and weaknesses. Then use that feedback to improve your performance and show your supervisor that you take his opinions seriously. Once both sides approach the conversation more openly, real growth and improvement can happen.

But how to deal with feelings of anxiousness and vulnerability that criticism evokes? Mary Lynne Heldmann, president of Future 1st Consulting Group, with offices in North Creek, NY, and Ridgefield, NJ, suggests changing your relationship to criticism. “Feedback is another person’s point of view,” she says. “You can say, ‘Thanks for the feedback. I’m going to think about that,’ rather than deny, defend or counterattack on the spot.” Then ask around to see if others hold that point of view. Some multicultural women carry the identity of a person struggling to overcome negative stereotypes, she says. “They must shed this identity like a snake sheds its skin because it’s not who they are. The truth is, we’re empowered the more we know about ourselves and our blind spots.”

“Women of color don’t network effectively.”
The perception that even successful women of color don’t take networking seriously enough is common among Smith’s clients. To them, she says, getting ahead isn’t only about giving jaw-dropping presentations or topping your sales quota but about making personal connections as well. “Successful people have to do more than just work hard,” she says. “But some women of color resist this because they think it’s unfair to be judged on anything other than their performance.”

In some cases, multicultural women are reluctant to network because it means opening up about themselves, notes Katherine Giscombe, PhD, vice president of women-of-color research for Catalyst, a nonprofit organization that studies women in the workplace. “It involves letting your guard down to some extent in order to let others get comfortable with you,” she says. Giscombe says African-American women in particular tend to feel uncomfortable networking. Also, there’s the question of whether and how much to downplay one’s racial or ethnic identity in order to build relationships with others.

Given the uneasiness many multicultural women feel about networking, some companies have created formal mentoring programs to make the process easier. TAP Pharmaceutical Products, in Lake Forest, IL, for example, offers both internal and external mentoring for female employees. In its external program, TAP partners with Menttium, which pairs it with other Chicago-area firms such as Allstate Insurance to mentor high-potential women across functions and companies. This gives women of color a chance to meet colleagues who can identify with their issues and expose them to new areas.

Phebe Neely, who recently moved into a new position as a senior manager with Deloitte’s Global Risk Group, has learned the importance of networking firsthand during her nine years at the accounting firm. Although she was familiar with an internal program called Career Connections, which pairs employees with a coach to identify positions that best suit their personal and professional interests, Phebe actually landed her current job more informally. She gained a referral from a woman she met a year ago when they struck up a conversation about their shared Filipino heritage while riding in an elevator. “Many women leave companies because of a perceived lack of opportunity,” says Phebe. “My advice is: Don’t rule out any possibilities. I’ve built relationships that create opportunities.”
What if your company doesn’t offer a formal networking program? Make your own. In fact, says Smith, informal networks that develop naturally are more likely to last. So even if that means stepping outside your comfort zone, give it a try, she says, adding: “If you hear a group of coworkers say they’re going out and they don’t invite you, you have to take the extra step and say, ‘Hey, is it okay if I join you?’”

“Women of color avoid ‘stretch’ assignments.”
While it’s not surprising that some male executives are more comfortable working with other men than with multicultural women, it is surprising how many women of color hold themselves back because they don’t take advantage of opportunities within their own companies. “Executives have mentioned an unwillingness by women to take on assignments that might be uncomfortable just because they’re new,” notes Steve Pemberton, chief diversity officer at the career website Monster.com.

The solution here is, don’t be afraid to fail, says Elena Richards, director of diversity at accounting firm PricewaterhouseCoopers. “We women feel we have to prove that we can do something before we take on additional responsibility,” she says. But ultimately, taking a calculated risk in a “stretch” job may give you a chance to learn new skills, make new connections and get yourself noticed, all of which can be crucial for upward mobility.

“Women of color don’t tell us what they want.”
What do women of color want? It’s a question that puzzles many male executives. “I’ve spoken with executives who have said that it wasn’t until a woman had another job offer and was almost out the door that they discovered, in making a counter-offer, what she wanted,” says Pemberton.

Indeed, many multicultural women opt to leave their companies because they don’t see opportunities for advancement, says Bohannon. “They aren’t convinced that their managers believe in them and can see them in leadership roles.” It’s a costly mistake, especially for companies seeking to retain, and inspire, talented people. Most executives want to know what it will take to keep their employees happy, and it’s up to women of color, in part, to chart a career path within their companies and to make their goals clear to executives.

Experts say multicultural women should be specific about what they want—and set the bar high. “Ask yourself: ‘Am I dreaming high enough?’” says Allen Thomas, chief diversity officer at Deloitte. “A lot of times, you get what you ask for. If you’re going to dream low to middle rather than high, that’s where you’ll end up.”

Companies need to do their part and provide safe forums for women of color to voice concerns about advancement. PricewaterhouseCoopers, for one, regularly holds closed-door meetings so different affinity groups can meet with senior execs. These meetings can be mind-changing on both sides. Take one gathering, where an African-American woman said she didn’t believe she could make partner because there weren’t any black partners in her group. “One of our white male executives said that she shouldn’t take this as fact,” recalls Richards. “He told her, ‘Just because you don’t see one doesn’t mean it’s impossible,’ and asked what he needed to do to show her that he wanted her at the company and wanted her to be successful. In doing so, he changed her perception.”

Ultimately, it’s in that kind of conversation—one in which women of color and white male executives can talk freely and learn from each other—that real progress is made. But such opportunities don’t often present themselves. So, experts say, it’s important to make the most of them when they do. “Race and gender are definitely factors in the workplace because we all come in with our different perspectives,” says Thomas. “We need to be attuned to those differences but not focus on them negatively. We should view them as opportunities.”