Many of you may know me best as the former Playboy Playmate turned comedic actress of the big and small screen (Scream 3, John Tucker Must Die, Baywatch, Home Improvement, Dirty Love). So it might come as a surprise to learn that one of my main priorities in life has always been to be a mom. That dream came true in May 2002 when my son, Evan, was born. From the moment he arrived, Evan was my top priority, and the course of my career changed dramatically. I focused on my writing, which I could do primarily from home, and I turned down acting projects that would take me away from home for weeks at a time. For the first two years of his life, I was the main person who cared for Evan. I remember holding him in the nursery, telling him how much I loved him and how I was going to be the best mom ever. And the first time he smiled, it was the best feeling in the world.

A devastating diagnosis

Those memories of the first blissful months of his life came flooding back to me in 2004 when Evan was 21/2 and began suffering from life-threatening seizures. Eventually, he was diagnosed with epilepsy, but I wasn’t convinced that was the whole problem. My mommy instinct told me it was something more. I was proven right weeks later when a neurologist diagnosed Evan with autism. Looking back, I realize that even before the seizures, Evan was exhibiting quirky behaviors that I now know are symptoms of autism. For example, he would often flap his arms, as if he were getting ready to fly. This is known as self-stimulatory behavior (stim), repetitive actions that are common among autistic kids. Whenever Evan would start doing it, I’d joke and tell people he was heading south for the winter. He also became fixated on objects like door hinges or elevators, while he never showed much interest in his toys. Instead of playing with his cars, he’d just flip them over and spin the wheels. He wasn’t very social, either. He didn’t play with other kids, and if a child snatched his toy away, it never seemed to bother him. I finally had answers to my son’s health problems, yet the word “autism” brought me to my knees. I was devastated—all I could think about was Dustin Hoffman’s character in the movie Rain Man, with his severely impaired social ability and restricted, repetitive behavior. I was heartbroken by the news, but lying in bed and crying all day wasn’t an option. The next morning, I had to hop on a plane to New York City to promote my book Baby Laughs. Although I didn’t want to leave my little boy’s side, I had to make the cross-country trip. Evan’s medical treatment would be costly, and since I was the family’s primary bread-winner, it all fell in my lap. When I got back home to Los Angeles, I soaked up all the information I could about autism. I soon realized that those quirky mannerisms weren’t Evan, and my biggest fear was that the “real” Evan would never come out. I was also shocked to read that autism is the fastest-growing developmental disability, and that every 20 minutes a child is diagnosed with the condition. Then I started reading about the possible connection between vaccinations and autism. Evan has been fully vaccinated, and while I don’t believe they caused his autism, I do think one of them (MMR) made his symptoms worse. (In my opinion, vaccines are necessary, but the schedule and the dosages should be reviewed. For example, ask your doctor if she can break up the MMR shot into three separate vaccines instead of giving it to your child all at once.)

Finding hope

Doctors gave me little encouragement that Evan’s condition would improve, but I wasn’t about to give up. I spent hours googling autism, and in one session I found generationrescue.org, where I read: “Autism is reversible.” That simple sentence gave me the hope that I could actually help him. Through more research, I read that many autistic kids may benefit from a wheat-free and dairy-free diet. Evan’s pediatrician dismissed this notion, but my mommy instinct kicked in again, and I decided to give it a shot. Within weeks, he seemed more responsive and began speaking in full sentences. Soon after, he made significant improvement in a program for autistic children at UCLA, which involves speech, behavioral, music, play and physical therapies. I also set up in-home therapy sessions for Evan—they cost about $4,000 per week, but I was determined to help his progress. The state funding I had applied for hadn’t been approved, so I decided to pay for the treatment myself. At the same time, my marriage to Evan’s father, John, deteriorated, and we eventually divorced. To pay the bills relating to Evan’s autism, I refinanced the house and—like any working mom—went back to work. I started writing my third book, Life Laughs, and began hosting a show on E! Entertainment Television, which took me to Las Vegas four days a month. I even signed on for a movie that was being filmed in Canada for a week. All of this just to pay the bills.

Mother knows best

Thanks to his treatments, Evan began to flourish. I finally saw the light at the end of the tunnel one day while we were watching an episode of SpongeBob. There was an abstract joke on the show, and he laughed! I was so excited—I started screaming and jumping up and down. I called my mom and said, “I’m pulling him through the window.” Today, Evan, 6, is in a mainstream school and interacts with those around him like any other child. He also loves to get plenty of hugs and kisses from Mom. Evan is still in therapy, following his special diet and taking antiseizure medications. I can’t say he’s cured. He still repeats words and does the arm-flapping thing from time to time, but I’m so happy to say that he is thriving. I wanted to share my journey with other moms, so I decided to write the most important book of my life, Louder than Words: A Mother’s Journey in Healing Autism. The book is about autism, but it’s also about faith. I wanted to write about how I didn’t give up on my son, and how I knew what was best for him—not the doctors. I advise any mom whose child has autism to research various treatments and choose the ones she feels will work best for her child. I say this because one of my doctors was very quick to dismiss many of the therapies that worked for Evan, and many doctors feel there is nothing anyone can do to help these kids. They only want to rely on science. Evan is my science.

Life today

Now that Evan is doing so well, I’ve allowed myself to enjoy some time away from home. I’ve been working and traveling more, but I try not to be away from him for more than four days at a time. I’m also socializing more, like going to parties and meeting up with friends—things I never did when Evan was at his worst. There are days when I’m leaving for work and Evan is at the window screaming, “Noooooo!” Of course, I feel guilty, but I realize that it’s important for each of us to develop our own sense of self. If life is too one-sided—too much work or too much time at home—it isn’t good for you or your child. Plus, I firmly believe that if a mother is happy with herself, her child will be happy, too. And believe it or not, in the midst of all this craziness, I’ve found love. My boyfriend of more than a year, actor Jim Carrey, has been through a lot of Evan’s growth with me, and he’s a great partner. I call him the “autism whisperer” because he’s been able to communicate with Evan in ways no one else has. Case in point: For months, I’d been trying to help Evan get over his fear of water and dogs, and Jim did it in one day! We’re also fortunate because Evan has a great relationship with his dad. My experience with my son has taught me to fight for what I believe is right. No matter what the doctors told me, I refused to give up. I knew I could find a way to help Evan. I’m not saying that what worked for Evan will work for every child, but as mothers, it’s important that we trust our inner voice. Don’t let yourself be bullied by doctors or others who think they know what’s best for your child. If you come across a new therapy or bedtime routine or anything that seems like it would help your kid and you feel good about it, go for it. There will be successes and setbacks along the way, but to moms everywhere I say: Have hope and faith in your child and yourself.

GUEST COLUMNIST: Jenny McCarthy, 35, shot to fame as a Playboy model but got her big break on MTV’s Singled Out. From there, she embarked on a successful acting and writing career. McCarthy is mom to Evan, 6, and lives in Los Angeles.