“Divorce,” according to author Margaret Atwood, “is like an amputation: you survive it, but there's less of you.” And anyone who has been through it can understand. No matter how civilized the parting, the end of a long-term relationship has far-reaching emotional repercussions for you and your family.

No one is immune. Even preternaturally perky actress Reese Witherspoon recalled about her own divorce, “Right around Christmastime I was sitting in a parking lot. And I felt like I just couldn't get out of the car, and I thought, OK, half of the parking lot has dealt with this. More than half of the parking lot has dealt with this. OK, let's make it a little bigger. Half of this city has dealt with this. OK, let's make it a little bigger, half of this country, until I finally got out of the car. It was like, It's OK. It's OK."

And it can be OK.

Divorce coach and parent educator Christina McGhee can help you and your kids adjust to the new family situation. This mother of four stresses that you still have to make time to care for yourself. “If you are running on empty you are going to be less available to care for the kids. Your stress levels will be high. Even if you take 15-20 minutes a day for some ‘me’ time, you will see that you parent better,” she shares. “We parent differently after a good night’s sleep, a bubble bath. If you are emotionally not dealing with it for yourself, you won’t be able to recognize the way your kids are dealing with it.”

McGhee’s Tips For Moms

• Prepare. Think about what is going on with you and your ex. Is one parent distant? Was one parent caught off-guard at the news of this divorce? You both must be emotionally prepared to speak to your family because it’s best to have the talk with both parents present. An individual talk can create more tension. Once the decision to divorce has been made, start planning a conversation with your kids.

• Agree. Sit down with your partner and agree on what is going to be said. Both mom and dad must have the same message. Never assign blame or contradict each other in front of the children.

• Talk. Lots of moms try to avoid talking about it. Ninety-five percent of kids have reported little to no information. Moms worry about making it worse, but the reality is that it confuses the children.

• Introduce change. Older children are more apt to take sides or ally with one parent over the other. This is why it’s especially important to spare the intimate details of the separation. The most important thing is to make them aware that things are changing and that there will no longer be a family in one household and to promote the two home concept.

• Be aware. If you sense your kids aren’t managing the news, they probably aren’t. Notice if there are changes in normal behavior. Is your once outgoing kid now sullen and withdrawn? Is the child being overly aggressive or acting out? Kids are going to have their own reactions, but out of the norm behavior that persists, or lasts months, must be met with additional support from a professional.

• Alert others. It’s a good idea to talk with your child’s teacher. Let the school know of the changes going on in the family.

Christina co-produced the DVD and workbook accompaniment, Lemons 2 Lemonade: How To Handle Life When Things Go Sour Between Mom And Dad. It reinforces for children that even when your parents choose to live apart, your family is still your family, just in a different way. “It helps normalize the situation and allows kids to know that they are not the only ones going through something like this,” she says. “You can watch it together.”  

For more information on Divorce Coach and Parent Educator Christina McGhee, and to purchase Lemons 2 Lemonade: How To Handle Life When Things Go Sour Between Mom And Dad, visit her website www.divorceandchildren.com.