“Asking for help is not about the help or even about the asking, it’s about inviting others in.”

A dear friend and mentor shared this insight with me a few years ago not long before her death.  I then remember thinking of the many times I had asked for help from others but with conditions as far as how the help was to be given. My friend had pointed out a distinct difference –that inviting others in is quite different than simply reaching out.
It has taken time for me to fully appreciate what asking for help really means and demands of us.  Inviting others in requires relinquishing our familiar style of reaching out. Inviting others in gives them permission to assess our talents and resources and point us in directions we might otherwise not go.

As I look back on my research for my book, Because You Believed in Me: Mentors and Protégés Who Shaped Our World, I note that each mentoring pair enjoyed a trust which allowed protégés to comfortably reveal their inexperience and vulnerabilities to mentors.

When Thomas Jefferson recognized his limitations in understanding the freedoms he aimed to preserve, he invited George Wythe to help shape the Declaration of Independence.

Similarly, Eugene Boudin saw raw artistic talent in Claude Monet’s cartoons and introduced him to an entirely different medium – painting.

Mentoring is an invitation to share who we are, where we’ve been, and who we hope to become with someone who has forged a life path we respect and admire.  

Like most people I’ve struggled to ask for help even when I clearly needed it.  A little over ten years ago I reached out to someone I respected.  Sure, I was clumsy and awkward. Fortunately, the person I asked for help from was gracious.  In responding to my questions, which reflected a profound lack of experience, she offered not only her valuable insights, but also encouraged me to ask others as well.  Her best advice? “Be specific and ask for exactly what you want because most people really do want to help you.”

I’ve found I’m now better at inviting others in and, in every case of asking, I’ve been met with a welcoming - YES!

January is National Mentoring Month a time to initiate and celebrate such relationships. As the season of social invitations fades let the New Year be one of “inviting others in” – perhaps a mentor.

Marcia McMullen is the author of Because You Believed in Me: Mentors and Proteges Who Shaped Our World.