You were a tween once, so you know the drill: Your sweet little girl, who used to tell you just about everything, is now as secretive as a CIA agent where you're concerned. Instead, she spends hours IM-ing her best friends about school, boys, clothes and why her parents are, like, so lame. Harmless, right?Maybe not. It appears that when girls talk and talk about their issues, they do forge friendships. But "co-rumination," or excessive talking about personal problems, may lead to increased feelings of anxiety and worry—which in turn may promote obsessing about problems even more, according to a recent study from the University of Missouri-Columbia. By contrast, boys who share their problems with friends are less likely to become depressed or anxious as a result. "It appears that the way some girls dwell on problems keeps them in a state of negativity instead of leading them to actively seek their way out of the mess," says lead study author and associate professor Amanda J. Rose, PhD. Girls may struggle more because they tend to internalize problems and blame themselves; boys may be more likely to attribute problems to external sources. So, although it's natural for your daughter to discuss problems with her buddies, you might want to caution her to do so in moderation—meaning it shouldn't be the only thing she does with her friends. "Gently suggest that, while you're glad she has good friends, the constant rehashing of her troubles with them can actually make her feel worse in the long run," says Dr. Rose. Encourage her to talk about solving them instead. Your daughter may not want to talk to you right now, but let her know that you're always there to help work through what's bothering her—even if it's about you. Help her seek solutions to things she can control, like getting more organized with schoolwork if her grades are slipping, and find ways to let go of the rest.Then suggest alternatives to co-rumination—positive things to do with friends like going to a movie or playing sports—to steer her toward a better place, says Dr. Rose. "While real problems should ultimately be addressed constructively, it's far better for kids to spend time talking about and doing things they enjoy than it is to let them brood." These more upbeat activities will also foster close friendships, but without the drawbacks attached to a singular focus on troublesome stuff.

Work It Out

 Offer your daughter these problem-solvers:

• Seek the solution. If math class is tough, for example, don't continually complain to friends, "I'm so bad at math." Instead, consider working with a tutor or setting up extra meetings with the teacher to get help.
• Find someone who's been there, done that. Got boy troubles? Look to an older, experienced sibling for specific advice.
• Move to the bright side. If you're dealing with a broken friendship, think ahead. Perhaps there was troublesome jealousy; now maybe the door's open for a new and more supportive pal.