Your son worships Barry Bonds, but you're wary of the steroid scandal that taints the home-run king's record. And your daughter still can't get enough of Britney, even though the pop idol is now most famous for child-custody battles. We're in an era of bad-boy and -girl celebrities, hip-hop thugs and scandalous heiresses that kids often adore. The mere thought of our children shaping their lives to emulate these questionable icons—even a little—can make us want to pull the plug on pop culture.But before you lock up your kid and throw away your TVs and MP3 players, realize this: Recent polls show that the top heroes of grade schoolers, tweens and teens are their parents—by far. Next come grandparents, friends, siblings and people like Martin Luther King, Jr., Hillary Clinton and Al Gore. Still, we know that sports and media darlings (some who don't exactly exemplify good character, accomplishment and integrity) do have some influence on our children.So if you want to steer your child toward healthy hero worship, spend time talking about what people are made of—their values, their compassion, their commitment to doing good deeds—stresses parenting expert Michele Borba, EdD, the author of, most recently, 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know: Getting Back to Basics and Raising Happy Kids. "Kids tend to idolize pop-culture types when their bond with their parent isn't as strong as it could be, or when they're not getting the guidance they need," she says. "For them, a hero's outward appearance trumps what's on the inside." Also state your own values. Let your child know whom you admire and specifically say why. Remember that the heroes you suggest don't have to be public figures. Point out how your neighbor regularly volunteers at an elder-care facility or how your own mother makes gifts for kids in hospitals.If you're not crazy about the "hero" who monopolizes the wall behind your child's bed, say why: that the person's done little that's admirable, has even gone to jail for drunk driving and seems to care more about publicity than people. If your grade schooler loves pop music, veer her toward an entertainer who exhibits good values and uses her celebrity to help others.Finally, promote your child's own passions. "This is the best way to bolster her intrinsic power, so her hero worship isn't a substitute for self-worth," says Dr. Borba. When she experiences the effort that leads to accomplishment, be it playing piano or playing soccer, she's more likely to find fine role models to emulate rather than envy.

The Hunt for Heroes

From Dr. Michele Borba, ways to help your child find righteous role models:

• Define them. Look up "hero" and "heroine" in Webster's and discuss the descriptions. Then both of you add other definitions: someone you'd look up to; one who's making the world better—famous or not.
• Read about them. There are great books for kids of all ages about all kinds of heroes, from Rosa Parks to kids who help other kids.
• Be one. Are you the role model you want to be? If you call in sick to work when you're not, think about the example you show. Got goals and dreams? Say them out loud.