"According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than doing the eulogy." Jerry Seinfeld's riff on public speaking is all too true. Nothing turns hands clammier than the thought of standing up to speak in front of people. At my first appearance as NAFE president before an audience of 400, I had a speech I'd sculpted to perfection over three weeks. After memorizing it before a mirror, I hit the podium ready to rip. That's when the voice in my head said, "BETTY, ALL THOSE PEOPLE ARE STARING AT YOU!" And I froze. Fortunately, I subdued the panic enough to manage, but I couldn't have been good. So I found a speaking coach who changed everything. "It's not about you, and it's not about the facts," she said. "It's about the audience." During our 2006 cross-country NAFE Breakfast Club tour, the motivational speeches of my incomparable coach, Gail Blanke, inspired many members to come up afterwards and ask, "How can I speak just like you?" Trained at Yale Drama School, author of three books, most recently Between Trapezes: Flying into Your Next Life, about thriving on change, Blanke coaches CEOs, presidential candidates, and people like you and me. Here are the seven strategies she swears by when speaking in public.

1) Recognize that it's not about you; it's about them. All powerful communicators continuously shift their attention from themselves (How am I doing?  Do they like me?) to their audience (How are they feeling; what are they committed to?). Audiences don't want to be taught; they want to be moved.  They don't want a lecture; they want to be inspired. Who's really good at this? Think Larry King, not MSNBC's Chris Matthews.2) Great speaking is more about listening than speaking, even though you're the one doing the talking. The adage is true: People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care. President Reagan always listened.3)Yes, you have to care about your audience. Great speakers, like great actors, care so much about their audience, they'll do almost anything to communicate their message, including revealing the depth of their feelings or appearing vulnerable. There's nobody better at this than President Clinton. 4) Let go of negative assumptions. Stop thinking, "I'm not the type to stand up in front of people," and anticipate that your audience will feel the depth of your commitment and be moved by you, believe in you, and grant your request. Oprah always anticipates that the audience will love her—and they always do.5) Step into your power. Before any occasion where you're speaking—from major speeches to management presentations to staff meetings—imagine wearing your power like a suit of clothes. Know that you're exactly the right person, at the right place, at the right time to bring this message or make this request. When Cher steps onto the stage,  she's dressed in her power.6) Show your passion. Let your passion for your message, your idea, your commitment to the desired outcome, propel you forward. Charisma is nothing more or less than passion demonstrated. Martin Luther King leaps to mind, and how about Maya Angelou?7) Don't underestimate the effectiveness of a mantra. Being nervous before you speak is natural, and one of the best ways to get centered is the mantra from Dorothy Sarnofff, the speech coach who advised President Reagan. Repeat it to yourself in the moments before speaking: "I'm glad I'm here. I'm glad you're here. I care about you. I'm in control." These simple phrases cover all the bases: you're the right person to deliver the message, this is exactly the right audience, you care—which gives you warmth—and you've got the floor. So go ahead, take the room!