Question: I hear that women should have mentors, but I don't see this happening at my workplace. Am I missing out on something essential? Answer: Let me dispel a major myth. Mentoring isn't about someone holding your hand and promoting your career—it's about your actively seeking the skills you need to grow. The first step: Think broadly about the kind of expertise—emotional and technical—you'd like to acquire. Maybe you want to be a better manager or team player or learn how to sell a big project. Find a person (or two or three) who has those skills. And go beyond the usual suspects in your company or field. If you're a history teacher who would like to assign more creative homework, ask that popular English teacher for ideas. If you're in pharmaceutical sales, see what your ad-sales-rep friend is doing to top her record. Get out of your comfort zone. You'll learn more from someone who's really top-notch—and if that means a white male (a description that fits a lot of senior management), then go for it. Screw up your courage and say, "I've noticed that you're very good at X. Could I have a cup of coffee with you?" Ninety-nine times out of a hundred, he or she will be supremely complimented and agree to meet. When your coffee is finished, ask if you can check back in a few months. A mentoring relationship may blossom—or not. Finding one perfect mentor isn't the point. Think of yourself as a continuous improvement project and create your own custom-fit program, filled with as many mentors as you can find.   

Takeaway TipsStart with a cup of coffee. (How hard is that?) Mentoring isn't marriage.Look for an expert, not a friend. Focus on what you want to learn, and be ready to break through your own color, gender and comfort barriers. Don't imagine this is easier for men. It isn't. (This is about more than golf.)Think outside the building. Even if your workplace has a formal program, don't settle for just one mentor. Seek out people in other firms or fields.

Our Expert: Karen B. Greenbaum, U.S. president and COO of Mercer Human Resource Consulting, overseeing more than 4,000 employees, and the mom of two sons.