For actress Marcia Gay Harden, the joy of having twins and being nominated for an Academy Award was tinged with sadness. How she coped with a family tragedy and got back to work.It's never easy to lose someone you're close to; it's even more devastating when it happens suddenly. On December 14, 2003, my brother lost his children, Audrey Gay and Sander, along with his former wife, when they died in a house fire in Astoria, NY. The cause of their deaths was an unattended candle. Until that point, I hadn't paid much attention to all the details of making sure my home was safe from fire. Now I'm much more aware of it and of how fireproofing can keep my home and family safe.

This tragedy has definitely brought me and my husband, Thaddaeus, our daughter Eulala, 8, and twins Julitta and Hudson, 3, and our whole family closer, but it's bittersweet because none of us will ever forget what happened. On the upside, we're more patient with each other, and little irritations tend to roll off our backs. We know that what's important is one another, and we have an unbelievable amount of respect for my brother. His courage throughout this has been remarkable. There's no blueprint for how to get over loss and get past grief, but it's been important for me to be strong and to focus on my family.

Four months after the fire, when I was 44 years old, I had the joyous experience of giving birth to my beautiful twins. And a couple of months before that, I was nominated for an Oscar for Mystic River. Although life as a working mother can be constant chaos, I love it. Sure, there are moments in between the cooking, laundry, homework, grocery shopping and mothering when I think, "Where did I go?" Like a lot of moms who have jobs outside the home, I sometimes feel like I've lost a little of my own identity among my responsibilities as a mother, wife and actor. But I take it day by day and fit in as many things as I can. It's hard to carve out personal time for myself sometimes, or to read scripts or call my agent, but that's my life these days. I'm lucky to have a wonderful support system with Thaddaeus and our nanny. Their help enables me to continue to work and be assured our kids are in good hands. It's interesting that so many workplaces are becoming more accommodating to working parents, particularly in areas like offering flexible hours and providing day care. I suspect there's a softening of our work culture toward family, which will ultimately benefit everyone. As working moms, we should never be fearful or embarrassed to ask for schedules or arrange-ments that allow us to balance our work and family duties. This way we can strive for professional fulfillment and still take care of our loved ones.Certainly one thing that's changed since I've had kids is that I'm more selective about the work I take on. My family comes first, and I've had to turn down roles or rearrange a film schedule because I didn't want to miss important moments like Eulala's first day of school or the twins' birthday. I took last summer off so I could be home with my kids. We enjoy nature a lot and do things like pick berries, hike and fish. With me, it's a package deal. When I'm filming on location, the whole brood comes with me. If they want Marcia Gay Harden, the kids are going to tag along. When I'm at home, my focus is whatever is going on with the kids. And as any mom knows, life with your kids is fun but unpredictable. One minute you might be coaxing them to finish their lunch, the next you're breaking up squabbles, followed by playing their favorite games or reading books together. But one area where Thaddaeus and I are very structured and careful is when it comes to our kids' safety. We've created a fire-safety plan, and we have a conversation about it with our children every month or so. Eulala knows to stay low to the ground and keep the windows closed and where to meet outside the house if there's a fire. With Julitta and Hudson, the rules are simpler, like don't stand near a stove or touch fire. We've installed an alarm and sprinkler system, and I check the smoke alarms twice a year. We also go over escape routes when anyone spends the night, and practice fire-safety habits like tying your hair back while you're cooking and making sure all the lights—including holiday lights—are turned off before you leave the house or go to sleep. Human beings are vulnerable; it's so important that we all do our best to take real steps to keep our loved ones safe and sound. To learn more about fireproofing your home and educating your kids about fire safety, visit www.befiresmart.com.