Joni Kirk is tired. Her 5-year-old sleeps like a dream—finally!—but now
her 3-year-old twins are getting up to use the potty. "Between the two
of them, they may wake up three times a night, and they always come to
my side of the bed," says the 29-year-old communications specialist for
the University of Idaho in Moscow. "By morning I'm just exhausted, so
it's harder to communicate, think on my feet, deal with the stress of
my job—or enjoy my kids later on."

Here's the question that's on all of our sleep-deprived minds: Is it
possible for today's working mom and her family to get enough sleep? We
asked our Working Mother Smart Mom Council all about it, and about
1,000 of you shot back rapid-fire. More than 80 percent of you said you
have toddlers or preschoolers; most of those kids wake during the
night, and nearly half of them have trouble falling asleep and staying
in their own bed. On average, about 30 percent of all your children
don't regularly get enough sleep, and that percentage spikes with
tweens and teens—even though a majority of you say you enforce your
kids' set bedtime most if not all the time. As for you moms, a stunning
77 percent said you don't get the shut-eye you need, and your husbands
aren't doing much better.

"Parents today are less likely than in prior eras to be good role
models where sleep is concerned," says Judith Owens, MD, director of
the pediatric Sleep Disorders Clinic at Hasbro Children's Hospital in Providence, RI, and
coauthor with Jodi Mindell, PhD, of Take Charge of Your Child's Sleep.
We may get home late from work and still want to spend time with our
kids, so we keep them up later. And some of us push our own bedtime
back to fit in extra work or get up very early for a jump-start on the
competition. "I know I should sleep when my two sons do, but that's the
only quiet time I have to cram in a few extra hours for a client," says
Jennifer Koon, 36, a marketing consultant in Roswell, GA.
"Unfortunately, when the kids rise with the sun, I wearily kick myself
for not getting to bed sooner."

Many of us try to ignore all those sleep studies we've read about—you
know, the ones that reveal how too few zzz's can cause a host of health
and behavior problems, from being unable to focus at school or work to
being susceptible to illness, moodiness, depression and even injury.
But before you throw in the towel—or should we say sheet—on sleep, know
that experts say better sleeping habits for the whole family can be
achieved. What's crucial: You have to make it a priority, work at it
and be consistent with your choices. And consult the following age-by-age guide for specific problems and
solutions.

Your baby
Daily Sleep Needs For infants, up to 18 hours; for babies 3 to 12 months, 14 to 15 hours

Snooze Robbers
You can't get your baby to go to sleep on her own, and
she often wakes up crying during the night. You may feed or rock her to
sleep, which seems sweet but inadvertently sets up your baby's
dependency on these activities. "Babies need to fall asleep
independently so they can put themselves back to sleep when they wake
up during the night," says Jodi Mindell, PhD, associate director of the
Sleep Disorders Center at the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia and
author of Sleeping Through the Night. Bedtime also needs to be
consistent, so your baby's internal clock has the chance to set itself
and then signal the right time to sleep.

Try This
To encourage falling asleep on her own, put your awake baby in
her crib after her bedtime routine, say good night, turn out the lights
and leave. If she cries, or falls asleep but wakes up, check to see if
something's wrong but keep your interactions to a minimum, says Dr.
Mindell. Tell her everything's okay, whisper good night and leave
within 30 to 60 seconds. You can repeat this as often as necessary if
she continues to cry, but be sure the visits are brief—a minute
maximum—and boring, "so you make it clear this is sleeptime and not
playtime." As she learns to soothe herself to sleep, she'll also be
more likely to soothe herself back to sleep after waking.

Should you ever let your baby "cry it out"? In our survey, about 5
percent of you said you let your kids cry themselves to sleep. But most
experts say it's best to check on your child if she cries or calls for
you, so she feels her needs are attended to. Even longtime sleep
authority Richard Ferber, MD (whose technique, often referred to as
"Ferberizing," is sometimes misinterpreted to mean you should let your
child cry until she falls asleep) suggests checking on your child after
gradually longer periods. Dr. Mindell's approach seems to be a gentler
version of Dr. Ferber's. But whichever level of this strategy you
choose, be consistent and try not to give up too soon. Remember that
getting your baby to sleep on her own is not selfish on your part—your
sleep needs are important, too.

Your toddler
Daily Sleep Needs 12 to 14 hours
Snooze Robbers
Most toddlers are able to sleep through the night. Yet
40 percent of you said your 1- or 2-year-old doesn't fall asleep
easily, 33 percent said your child can't fall asleep on his own, and 70
percent said your toddler wakes during the night—which often means he
comes into your room and climbs into bed with you. This may be due to
the fact that separation anxiety peaks at around 18 months of age.
Plus, your toddler is learning new skills that may activate his mind
and body and keep him from settling down.

Try This
First try the fall-asleep-on-his-own approach (see "Your
Baby"). Also, be absolutely consistent with your bedtime routine. "Your
child will fall asleep more quickly if you do the same three or four
activities every night," says Dr. Mindell, "because knowing what to
expect night after night makes children feel snug and secure, setting
the stage for sounder sleep." If you haven't already, don't move your
toddler into a big bed until he's close to age 3. "Going from crib to
bed too early can be an impediment to a toddler's getting enough
sleep," Dr. Mindell explains. "Toddlers may not understand the
imaginary boundaries of a bed or have the self-control to stay in it."

If you're fine with having your toddler sleep with you, let him, say
the experts. "But if you do it because the child is having trouble
sleeping on his own, it's a short-term fix that sets up a longer-term
problem that's difficult to remedy," adds Dr. Owens. If you really
don't want to co-sleep, you need to clearly and consistently set rules
by telling your child that you sleep in your bed and he sleeps in his,
Dr. Mindell advises. If he keeps on coming into your room, continue to
return him to his bed, say good night and leave. A transitional object
like a special blanket, teddy bear or doll can help him soothe himself
to sleep without your help.

The key is to slowly and gradually reduce your presence in your child's
room while he learns to settle himself to sleep. Yes, it's easier said
than done, but with persistence on your part, your child will likely
make the transition in just a few weeks, says Dr. Mindell.

Your preschooler
Daily Sleep needs 11 to 13 hours
Snooze Robbers
"A child who has given up his nap because of preschool
may be a mess by five p.m., which can make it harder to fall asleep at
bedtime," Dr. Mindell says. Blossoming language skills also increase
the odds that preschoolers will attempt to prolong bedtime with
repeated requests for another story, drink or kiss—which can be hard to
resist! And preschoolers who are toilet training, even 5-year-olds, may
need to get up and use the bathroom at night—and wake you up to do it,
of course.

Try This
Help your preschooler get into a calm, sleepy state by turning
off the television and avoiding roughhousing well before bedtime.
Instead, climb into a rocking chair or the bed together and get cozy
with a book. "Reading to your child has a positive effect on sleep
because it's soothing and relaxing," Dr. Mindell says. Incorporate a
trip to the toilet as part of the bedtime routine. If your child's
already toilet trained, encourage her to use the bathroom on her own at
night if she seems ready, adds Dr. Mindell. "Otherwise, Pull-Ups are
wonderful for use at night."

Your school-age child
Daily Sleep needs 10 to 11 hours

Snooze robbers
For many children in grade school, evening
activities—basketball, ballet practice, homework, TV or video
games—push bedtime back too far, says Dr. Owens. "With all that stuff
going on, they're neither physically nor mentally ready to settle down
for sleep." And, really, who of us says to our child, "Stop studying
and go to sleep"?

Try this
Have your child do homework before dinner. This will help him
stick with a consistent bedtime, essential for getting enough good
sleep. Also ban the stimulating buzz of TV and electronic games for at
least 30 minutes before bedtime. "And be sure to keep the TV and
computer out of the bedroom," Dr. Owens says.

Your tween and teen
Daily Sleep Needs 9 to 10 hours

Snooze Robbers
More than a third of you say your tweens don't get
enough sleep, and more than half of you say the same about your teens.
What's stopping them? "When children go through puberty, biology shifts
their body clock, so they don't even get tired until eleven p.m. or
so," Dr. Mindell explains. This is exacerbated by late-night TV
watching, phoning and IM-ing. "Teenagers often use their bed as a kind
of 'command central,' doing everything from homework to talking on the
phone," says Dr. Owens. For kids who struggle with insomnia, this habit
reinforces the association of being in bed with being wide-awake. They
can't sleep late due to school, so they're sleepy during the day. Then
there's the weekday/weekend discrepancy: Teens often go to bed at 2:00
a.m. and sleep until noon on the weekends, which can further throw off
their body clock.

Try This
To keep her body clock ticking properly, encourage your teen
to go to bed and get up at the same time every day. Involve her in
setting a rule for when the lights go out and when the morning alarm
goes off. If she's resistant, "ask her to try it for a week, to aim for
a short-term goal," offers Dr. Mindell. "What you'll find is that teens
do see a difference, which helps them to buy into the importance of
sleep."

If she can't fall asleep at her designated bedtime, encourage her to
get up and read or listen to gentle music—in another room. When sleepy,
she should return to bed. In the morning, she should expose herself to
bright light within the first 15 minutes or so after awakening. This
can boost alertness. If your teen continues to suffer from insomnia,
try to figure out what's going on: Is she depressed or stressed out? Is
she using caffeine or taking a medication that can interfere with
sleep? "The treatment depends on the cause," says Dr. Owens, "because
insomnia, just like pain, is a symptom of something else."

You and your mate
Daily Sleep Needs 7 to 9 hours

Snooze Robbers
Yes, we squeeze in extra stuff or catch up on chores
when the kids are sleeping. Then there are our children's sleep issues,
stress and worry, a dose of our partner's snoring and, for women,
hormonal fluctuations due to PMS, pregnancy and perimenopause—any of
which can keep us awake at night. Plus, we don't put sleep at the top
of our to-do list. "Overall, people don't value sleep as much as
nutrition and exercise, but they're all equally important," says Joyce
Walsleben, RN, PhD, an associate professor of medicine at New York
University and coauthor of A Woman's Guide to Sleep.

Try This
Reserve the bedroom for snoozing. "If you have trouble going
back to sleep after waking during the night, go to another room,"
advises Clete A. Kushida, MD, PhD, director of the Stanford University
Center for Human Sleep Research. Engage in a relaxing activity, such as
reading or knitting, and return to the bedroom only when you're ready
to nod off. That way, you'll associate the bedroom with sleeping, not
with being unable to sleep. And if you're thinking about sipping a
glass of wine to make you drowsy, don't. It can actually disrupt sleep
later in the night, so steer clear of it at least three hours before
bedtime.

Also, worry early. "You can train yourself to worry in the afternoon,
by taking a little break around three p.m. and making lists of what
you're concerned about," says Dr. Walsleben. This way you'll have a few
hours to get things done, and you'll prevent yourself from ruminating
about these issues at bedtime. Have your tween or teen try this, too!

Scheduling optimal sleep for every member of the family is as important
as carving out time for homework and business appointments. "Moms
should be the guideline setters for sleep," says Dr. Walsleben.

"If you're a good sleeper, you're likely to breed it into your kids,
and if you make sleep a priority, your kids are likely to follow."