Q: My 5-year-old is very shy and won't join in at parties or in school. How can we bring him out of his shell? A: Instead of trying to change your child, adjust how you view shyness—as a personality trait rather than a fault. Some children are natural extroverts, while others are more cautious about relationships and need more time to engage. Here's how you can help your child:

Frame his shyness positively. If someone calls him shy, simply say, "He warms up slowly." Labeling him shy may reinforce his reticence. Set up playdates. Have new friends come over one at a time to help him connect more easily. Set him up to succeed. If he has a talent or favorite toy he loves to share with friends, encourage him to bring it out. Once he succeeds in a social activity, the "carryover effect" will help him feel more comfortable around others.

The best ways to help your child relax socially and become more outgoing are to let him take things at his own pace and hang out with kids he likes. Above all, make sure he knows that there's nothing wrong with his hesitation. This will help him build self-confidence and ease his reluctance to open up.

William Sears, MD, one of the nation's leading experts on child health and development, is a father of eight and the author of more than 30 books on parenting, family health and nutrition.