Don't be surprised if your 4-year-old comes home from preschool and asks, "Why is Bennett's skin dark and mine's light?" Between ages 3 and 5, children begin to sort and classify, and by age 5, they are able to attach social meaning to those classifications. What's more, studies show that preschoolers stereotype based on experiences—what they see, hear and learn—says Caryl M. Stern-LaRosa, director of education for the Anti-Defamation League and its A World of Difference Institute, which works to promote the value of diversity.

So if your child asks about skin color, grab the moment to introduce differences and acceptance, reinforce values and expose her to other cultures.First, though, you need to look at yourself. "You can't raise a bias-free child if you don't realize your own biases," says Stern-LaRosa. Are the only racially diverse people who come to your home on your payroll? If someone who looks different walks toward you, do you grab your child's hand tighter? These things send a message to your child. You don't want to tighten your hand; it's a reflex. So if you catch yourself doing it, correct yourself: "How silly that Mommy squeezed your hand just now."Next, talk to your child about differences. Watch a favorite TV show with her and point out: "The pig and the frog are different, but they're good friends, just like you and Afia. You're Jewish, she's Muslim—and you're great pals." Also help your child share her own culture. If you're Asian American, for example, bring a bit of your tradition, like a Lunar New Year celebration, into her classroom.Finally, set up clear rules and messages about race and diversity at home. Perhaps no ethnic jokes are allowed. And if you hear an inappropriate word or comment from your child, innocent as it may be, correct it right away. "Let your preschooler know that some words can hurt another person," advises Stern-LaRosa. Also, vary the books you pick for her. Check out Families Are Different, by Nina Pellegrini, and Amazing Grace, by Mary Hoffman. (Find more at www.adl.org/ bibliography.) Make attention to diversity a priority and you'll give your child the opportunity to make good choices as she grows up in a diverse world.   

Fruitful Classroom Lessons
Preschoolers should learn to appreciate diversity at school. From A World of Difference Institute's Miller Early Childhood Initiative, here's a neat activity to suggest to your teacher (find more at www.adl.org/education/miller/): Give each child a lemon and say, "Play with your lemon and get to know it." Then collect the lemons, mix them in a basket and say, "Okay, pick out your lemon." Surprisingly, they will. Then ask, "How did you know yours?" They'll mention the size, shape, bruises and so on. Then say, "People are like the lemons, with their different sizes and shapes and markings." After discussing these differences, peel the lemons, show that they are all the same inside and talk about this together, too.

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